Jack Cohen defines emotion as having two central components: signal and energy. âEmotions are a signal that weâre moving closer to or farther from something that we care about, plus the energy to act on that signal. If you donât care about something, youâre not gonna feel anything about that. If you do, youâre gonna feel something about whether youâre making progress towards it or youâre feeling like youâre getting distance.â
He shares an example from a few weeks before a high stakes customer meeting. He had this intense background anxiety that kept distracting him. The background voice was some ambiguous âIâm not good enough.â
âThat voice got loud enough that I paused. I stopped what I was doing. I turned toward the feeling, toward that voice inside myself, and I just listened. I didnât try and say, âI am good enough.â I didnât argue with it.â
A moment later, he got clarity: âIâm not prepared enough.â
âOh my goodness. Youâre right. So what do I need to do to prepare?â Jack pulled up his next actions list, wrote down four or five things. âMy body just exhaled on its own. I wasnât doing some grounding exercise. I had just turned towards the anxiety inside myself, listened to what it wanted me to know, captured that, and boom.â
All of this in under two minutes. Ultimately, those actions led to a great customer meeting and a years-long relationship.
The key is noticing that the emotion is coming up and itâs separate from you. Then, instead of resisting, turn towards it. I use two visualizations for this.
First, I imagine the emotion as a little monster that I offer a seat next to me and then offer a cup of tea. The little monster accepts. If this little monster could talk, what would it say?
My other technique uses McWay Falls in Big Sur, a fresh water waterfall that goes into the ocean. I imagine it on a beautiful sunny day, then in a shitty storm. I can clearly see that the storm and the rain are not McWay Falls. Theyâre not the same thing. Then I imagine this National Geographic time-lapse where storms come, storms go, it goes back to being sunny. I remember the emotion is temporary, just like weather.
Jack adds: âSome thoughts and emotions donât pass like clouds in the sky. They sit here like a storm cloud raining all over us. Like a persistent colleague who wonât leave you alone until you get their message. It can be really useful to turn towards these thoughts and engage in dialogue with them.â
âĄïž Emotions are signals about what you care about plus energy to act. Stop arguing with anxiety. Turn toward it, ask what it needs you to know, write down the specific actions itâs requesting. Pick your visualization: emotions as little monsters you serve tea, or a natural landmark with emotions as passing weather. Either way, youâre separating yourself from the feeling to engage with it productively.
Soft skills & hard conversations
Separating yourself from your emotions
Turn toward anxiety instead of resisting it - your emotions are signals with messages, not opponents to defeat